


Dead Eye Memories

by ratchet_intellectual



Series: Remembering You Slowly [2]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Fluff and Angst, Hair-pulling, Hanzo is a secret softie, Jesse McCree is a Little Shit, M/M, Memory Loss, Regaining Memories, Some Dad!Gabe, and he really love Hanzo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-06-14 14:41:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15390972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ratchet_intellectual/pseuds/ratchet_intellectual
Summary: While the memories of their relationship were lost to him, Jesse was drawn to Hanzo by a force deep in his soul’s heart. They had something. Something beautiful and fragile and powerful and Jesse hated that he couldn’t remember it.But the memories would come back.Eventually.Hopefully.





	1. Recall

**Author's Note:**

> You don't have to read the first part of the series to get this one, just know that Jesse lost his memories on a mission and is struggling to recall certain things. Also apparently dead-eye can also be an obscure synonymy for memory meaning "the ability to hold in one's mind" so that's pretty fitting right? Alternative name: twenty smaller story ideas I never will get the energy to write. 
> 
> Either way, enjoy!

_ “Take care of this now mijo, it’s the only thing I got left from your Pa.” A woman says in spanish. The brim of the hat is freshly weaven as if it was newly brought. You cut off the suspicion. She smells like cloves and red clay dust.  _

 

The first real memory to come back to Jesse was of no surprise. 

 

“Can I get my hat back?” Jesse asked. He wanted his hat back and he also wanted Hanzo who had slipped away this morning with a parting kiss and a whispered ‘training’ as an explanation. 

 

The doctor gave a wry smile. Her eyes were bright but sad like a woman that has lost one too many friends turned patients. He wish he could remember more, to give her a bit of confidence, but everything felt blank and hazy. 

 

“It’s funny: you remember that hat before your own name.” She said after making a note on a holographic tablet. 

 

“I know my name! It’s Jesse.” He protested. 

 

“Do  _ you _ know it or are you saying it because that’s what you’ve been told?” She raised a well manicured eyebrow at him. 

 

He couldn’t argue; Jesse felt as comfortable to him as Martin or Adam. 

 

“Still want my hat…” he grumbled before settling back into bed. 

 

The doctor hummed in reply. 

* * *

_ A breath of nicotine courses through your veins. It’s a relief, in a strange way, from the unwavering sun above. Your nerves calm yet you couldn’t focus on any one thing. The nozzle of your gun is still hot, the body on the ground still unmoving. _

 

_ “Congratulations McCree. Yer a real mean sonovabitch!” _

 

It took another day before he remembered that yes, his name was Jesse McCree and goddamn, he could use a smoke. 

 

Snapping back to the present, Angela(who kindly reminded him of her name with a wilted look in her eyes) said he couldn’t give him his hat because of the wound along his forehead but conceded that he could continue his filthy habit within a few days if his vitals remained stable. She provided him with a nicotine patch to tide him until his release.  

 

“Not even a huff? Babe please reckin’ with her.” 

 

The archer rolled his eyes from his place at the bedside. His presence was just as calming as tobacco. While the memories of their relationship were lost to him, McCree was drawn to him by a force deep in his soul’s heart. They had something. Something beautiful and fragile and powerful and McCree hated that he couldn’t remember it. 

 

But that painful nugget was swallowed in exchange for an easy smile. Everyone here had enough to worry about and he knew Hanzo struggled while he was under the knife. He didn’t need to add to that his concerns with McCree’s own feelings of lose. 

 

The memories would come back. 

 

Eventually. 

 

Hopefully. 

 

That dark train of thought was halted when Hanzo tangled their fingers together. 

 

“A few more days before Dr. Ziegler signs you out. Then you can smoke twenty at once.” The archer said. 

 

Angela clicked her tongue and gave a side eyed glare. 

 

“Not twenty. One. Hopefully none. I prayed the memory loss would make you forget that deadly habit but alas.” She said. Their relationship between the two was tense for reasons McCree couldn’t currently fathom. 

 

“How about sex? When am I cleared for that?” McCree asked cheekily, kissing Hanzo’s knuckles. He blushed and yanked his hand away. 

 

“So crass.” 

 

“Agreed.” Angela sniffed as she walked to the far end of the room to the medical cabinet.

 

“Can’t blame a man for tryin! Reckon I’m a virgin since I don’ remember much. Pop my cherry dear?” He said as he leaned in for a kiss from the other man. 

 

To his surprise, Hanzo didn’t pull away but allowed him to place a kiss on his sharp as a knife cheekbones. 

 

“Is that true?” Hanzo said. He watched Angela work across the room before flicking his gaze back to McCree. “Then I will do my best to make it as memorable as possible. So you never forget how it feels,” Hanzo leaned in closer to whisper into his ear. “When you slide in and I cannot do anything but take it.” 

 

The sentence was punctuated with a nip on McCree’s ear. As Hanzo pulled away, his face was neutral but there was a glint of dark mischief in his eyes that made McCree’s heart hammer in his chest. While he was well fed in the medbay, Hanzo had sparked a hunger deep in his gut for something a bit sweeter. 

 

**Beep! Beep! Beep!**

 

“What did you do?” Angela said as she rushed over to check his vitals. Hanzo simply leaned back and chuckled. 

 

“It would seem as though he has forgotten how to control himself.” He said with a sly smile. McCree felt his cheeks heat up. He was blushing like a cherry cheeked virgin at the mere idea of being with him. If he had any memory of shame, he would be feeling it now. 

 

“Do not make me revoke your visitation Mr. Shimada. Behave.” Her voice was stern but there was a hint of a joke peaking out. She smiled, stilted and brittle, but earnest. Hanzo returned the gesture with a stale smile of his own. 

 

Whatever tension was there between them was being worked through.  

 

“Aww don’t be like that doc. This medbay is nice an everything but without my sunshine here I’d rather die a lonely man.”

 

Hanzo groaned at his words, embarrassed more than angry. 

 

“If you start waxing poetry, I will leave you to die.” They fell into a playful back and forth after that and while it shook no memories lose, it felt familiar. 

* * *

 

_ “I love missions, don’t get me wrong, but another day in that cabin woulda made me stir crazy. I need a bit more action with my deployments.” You ramble, attempting to fill the silent space around you. There’s a heavy weight in your hand and you’re walking with- no carrying something with the help of another. You got the head and he has the feet.  _

 

_ Genji glares at you as he always does before speaking. _

 

_ “...Agreed.” _

 

McCree examines the memory closely, trying to shake more details out. He’s frozen and finally thaws when he remembered that he was in the middle of a conversation with Genji. 

 

“A memory?” The ninja askes. He’s sitting where his brother was sitting hours before. McCree was reading over his Overwatch supplied background and Genji was there to simply keep him company.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“A good one?”

 

“No. Boring. It was me an’ you. We were...carrying something. A body I reckon but I get the feeling you didn’t like me much.” 

 

Genji chuckled. He wasn’t wearing any armor plating like in the photos McCree had flipped through but instead a simple gray hoodie and sweatpants. The edge of his protective casing peaked out from his collar as faint scars littered his neck and cheeks. The man in his memory was board stiff with anger but the man in front of him was loose and calmed.

 

“I did not like many people back then. But I liked you.”

 

“Really? How come?”

 

“You would talk my ear off. People thought you were crazy for trying to butter me up. You were one of the few people who talked to me with respect. Treated me like an ally and not a weapon. You were a far better friend than I deserved.” 

 

There’s an open endedness to his statement that makes McCree feel as though the other had been meaning to say this for some time. The cowboy mulled over the new information and the memory.

 

“Don’t go gettin’ soft on me now.” McCree said. The open file on the holopad now swiched over to detailing some of the declassified elements of his prior job. “Blackwatch. Tell me about it. Did we really use to carry off bodies?”

 

“Yes. Sometimes alive, sometimes dead.” 

 

“Huh.” McCree was consumed with the creeping feeling that his memories would be soaked in blood one way or another. 

 

Silence filled the room.

 

“There was one time where you and I were sent to retrieve this foreign dignitary from Lithuania. He was smuggling humans and omics into London labor camps. Overwatch couldn’t get to him but we knew that if we could just take him out, the whole operations would collapse. We get to his mansion while he is asleep. It was supposed to be a simple grab and go as our boss used to say.”

 

“Did we get trapped there for hours fighting off hordes of minions?” 

 

“No, not at all. Well not this time. The mission was a success but the transport was late. We had to wait inside his mansion until a stealth craft could extract us. I suppose he wanted to act tough for us, to show us he wasn’t afraid of anything we could do. It was not an assassination, just a recovery mission. We legally couldn’t touch him.”

 

“As legal as kidnapping a foreign dignitary could be.” McCree added.

 

“Exactly. As we waited for the transport, we had him tied up on the bed still in his nightwear. He was going on and on about what the UN was going to do to us and then he crossed a line.”

 

“What line?” McCree said. The tablet was off now as he was engrossed in the story. Genji smirked like a cat toying with his prey. 

 

“He made fun of your hat.”

 

“No!”

 

“Yes! And you couldn’t believe it. So you said ‘well you ain’t such a sharp dresser yourself!’.” Genji said in a accented cowboy twang. That alone pulled a laugh from McCree. “You were itching for something to do. Stillness used to agitate you and I both. So you barged into his closet and pulled out the worst pinstripe three piece suit I’ve ever seen. You said ‘See? Who in their right mind would wear somethin like this?’. I was so boring back then, too angry to ever let myself have fun but you insisted I was a part of it. Egged me on to look at the damn suit. ‘Gen just look at it, looks like a ironed out zebra don’ it?’ And to your credit the suit  _ was  _ hideous.”

 

“I don’t sound like that. It’s a smooth timber not a hic’s yolk.” McCree laughed.

 

“And the difference?” Genji asked as he smirked. “Now pay attention. This is the interesting part: for some reason I responded. I usually found you annoying but I decided to play along this time. I said it would look better burned. The look of sheer glee on your face. You turned to me and pulled out a lighter and said ‘now that’s the spirit partner’. We spent the next twenty minutes cutting up and burning every fine pressed Armani suit he had. The guy was in tears by the time we finished. Worst than torture he said.” 

 

The two crackled at the imagery of a UN official crying over the scorched remains of his clothing. 

 

“I don’t remember none of this but I sound like a fun yet dashing character.”

 

Genji shoved him gently, laughter dying to a soft chuckle. 

 

“I would reluctantly agree.” Genji conceded. “I just wanted to remind you how...special you are to people here. To Overwatch and your friends.” 

 

“To your brother?” McCree said, testing the waters. His eyes were sly and a slight smirk graced his lips. Genji’s retch gave him the desired response. His nose, the same regal aclin as his brother, crinkled. 

 

“I suppose so. What he sees is a mystery to me.” The ninja sighed before resting back. Genji’s easy going nature is something finely tuned and senses that are still foreign to McCree tingle: it’s a careful and well practice act.

 

“He sees plenty apparently.” McCree replied a bit smug. Genji looks at him for a bit before speaking again.

 

“Apparently so.” 

 

“What? Needa give me the shovel talk all over again?”

 

“No, I don’t think Hanzo will appreciate something like that. You haven’t seen him in battle; anything he does would be far worse than what I could ever think of. I would honor our friendship with a quick and painless death if you broke his heart.” Genji’s tone was matter of fact as he rubbed his chin. “In fact, if anything, I should be giving  _ him _ the shovel talk.”

 

“Hey now! He’s a fine fella.” McCree protested. 

 

“You don’t remember him.” 

 

“Well I can still vouch for his character. It’s mighty fine. And his ass. That’s mighty fine as well.” Even thinking about the supple cheeks left the cowboy hot under the collar. 

 

“You will stop-”

 

“And them eyes. He got some real pretty eyes-”

 

“McCree, I’m serious. You don’t remember but we had a deal-”

 

“His thighs too. Just wanna put my head between’em and-”

 

“I do not want to hear this. I never want to hear this. You have three seconds to stop.”

 

“Got some great pecs too. I just want to get-”

 

The pillow was faster than McCree. With one arm in a sling, he was no match for the cyborg ninja.

 

“I will finish what Talon started. I offered you a peaceful death but now you must suffer!” 

 

The pillow cut off his airways as the machines around him went off like crazy. He wanted to laugh around gulps of air but could only pull in cotton. He struggled in vain but with the lasting images of  Hanzo’s taunt body standing as his most prominent memory, he knew he could accept his fate.

 

“Shimada Genji! Enough!” Like the angel of mercy she was, Angela swooped in to save the cowboy. The ninja went slack under her hands and she pulled him off of her patient. “I swear, you Shimadas are actually trying to put him back into the grave I pried him out of.”

 

Genji was red faced and huffing but the under the anger was a playful joy. McCree desperately wanted to remember it, to connect the image with something, clicking it all together for the perfect Ah Ha! Moment. Instead the warm rush of camaraderie felt brand new and a bit disappointing. 

 

“He sta-” Genji began.

 

“Don’t you dare say it! No suffocating my patients. It’s medbay etiquette 101. Out until you can handle yourself.” Her voice left no room for discussion but her eyes were merry. 

 

“Fine.” Genji strengthened his sweatshirt and glared at the cowboy. “It would be wise to consider this: how long she could keep me away from you? Your death will be by my hands and pillow. Mark my words Jesse McCree.”  The younger Shimada’s mouth wavered as he tried to stop his smile.

 

“Bring it on tin man. I’m itchin for a fight but next time I won’t have this sling to hold me back.”  He winked and Genji rolled his eyes. He was escorted out of the room.

 

“Hello…” A voice of a certain archer said. 

 

“Aw darlin’ ain’t you a sight for sore eyes!” McCree called, beckoning him in. Genji choked at the saccharine tone.

 

“I’ve had enough, Dr. Ziegler, I beg you, end me now.”

 

“How do you think I feel? I have a reluctant front row seat.” She sighed as Hanzo stepped past her to make loving eyes at the cowboy. The two weren’t as subtle as they thought and while Jesse would receive the utmost care, she was ready to be as far away from Hanzo Shimada’s bedroom eyes as possible. 

* * *

_ “Fuck...f-fuck…” you moan. The heat, wet and consuming, engulfs you. It’s dark and all you can make out is the steady bob of her head.  _

 

_ She pulls off.  _

 

_ “Good?” _

 

_ “Perfect darlin-” _

 

_ “MCCREE!” The darkness gives way to light. You try to pull up your pants and the girl scrambles to fix her top. You’re both disheveled and smelling of sticky mess.  _

 

_ Commander Morrison’s anger vein is fit to burst in any moment. The blue glint of his eyes and the blond of his hair gleam under the flooding lights. The storage closet wasn’t the best place to do this… _

  
  
  
  
  


_ “You lay another hand on another one of my cadets and I’ll put you back in the dirt Reyes pulled you out of.” He seethes. The girl is gone and you’re in his office. You can’t help yourself. _

 

_ “Well it looks like your cadets like to git a lil dirty.” You should have bit your tongue because the huff of Morrison’s chest tells you that was not the right thing to say. The chair under you is particularly uncomfortable, hard and unyielding.  _

 

_ “Listen here punk if you think for a second I’ll let you-” _

 

He snapped out of the memory with a gasp. The memory had a gap but he still felt it all, the heat of the girl’s mouth, the scorn from Morrison, that damn chair. 

 

He stared at the wall of his medbay suite. Hanzo still had not returned and there was nothing to keep him company but the few medical utensils on the counter and a now dead holopad. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he started to whistle a tune he couldn’t recognize. The song sparked nothing but he kept up it’s slow melody. 

 

“You remembered how to whistle.” Hanzo’s voice floated in from the door. As his mind struggled to repaint the picture of those around him, McCree started to relearn details he’d forgotten about Hanzo. The archer moved silently. He disliked public displays of affection but in private could be cuddlier than a homesick cat. His smile was intoxicating but was done rarely as if he was still learning to let himself relax enough to show his joy. 

 

“I don’ think it’s a skill you can forget.” McCree reached out to him as the other turned on the dimmed lights. “Come here angelface, I’ve missed you. I get lonesome being here by myself.”

 

“Is that so?” Hanzo said. He walks quietly up to his bedside. “Dr. Ziegler said you should be cleared for release in two days or did you forget that as well?” His hands turned up the cowboy’s chin to lean down for a kiss.

 

“I think…” McCree murmurs as they part. He smiles up at the other and his heart fills with affection. “There’s some things you cain’t forget.”

 

Hanzo settled into the seat at his bedside. He’s smiling softly. Rough and pale meets smooth metal under the sheets as he laced their fingers together.

 

“Such as?” 

 

“How to shoot a gun or ride a bike.” McCree started. “How to share a bed.” 

 

The gunslinger reached over the edge to unclip the protective railing. He slid over to make room for the archer. He gave the space a pat but Hanzo looked skeptical.

 

“I do not believe Dr. Ziegler would approve.” He said as he climbed in. The bed is bigger than the standard bunks in the dorms and holds both of them comfortably. 

 

“I won’t tell if you don’t.” McCree wrapped his arms around him, holding him close. 

 

_ Sandalwood and cherry blossoms. Deep darkness. _

 

_ “You smell good dear. Real good.” _

 

_ Hanzo’s hands are rubbing circles on your back. His body heat wraps you up and let’s you know you’re home.  _

 

_ “It’s called a shower my love. With it, you too can unlock the magic of ‘smellin real good’.” _

 

_ “Don’t go sassin me!” You pose your hand above his armpit. “Or else.” _

 

_ “You wouldn’t dare…” Hanzo tries to pull away but you hold on strong with your metal arm. _

 

_ “Since you can’t learn to take a compliment from a fine gentlemen like myself.”  You go in for the attack. _

 

_ “Jesse!”  His scream is near ungodly and you both can’t stop laughing. _

 

“Fuck.” Jesse muttered. He had gone still around Hanzo but the other was waiting patiently. “Yer really somethin’ darlin’.”

 

“How so?”

 

“Only yer smile could knock a memory loose. I knew it.” He  kissed Hanzo’s cheek then his forehead. 

 

“Ridiculous.” Hanzo replied as their lips met again. 

 

McCree can’t stop himself from going to squeeze at his ass. The hard, full cheeks fill up his hand and he lets out a groan as he slides his tongue past kiss slackened lips. 

 

“We cannot. Dr. Ziegler has not cleared you…”The acher protested weakly. He doesn’t pull away and his hands wonder up the cowboy’s chest and into his hair. His fingers feel along the cut locks now free of his head bandage. 

 

“Haven’t forgettin’ that but I also haven’t forgotten how to please my honey.” McCree moved the hand on Hanzo’s ass to his front. His sleep pants left little to the imagination. With dexterous fingers, McCree slipped past layers of pants and boxers to free the heated prize underneath. 

 

Hanzo’s cock stiffened in his hands and the archer let out a soft moan. Their lips were barely touching now as the McCree worked his cock. The archer jerked his hips into the closed fist, fucking the grip to chase his pleasure. His blunted nails digged into the side of McCree’s neck and pulling his hair. The cowboy watched the other’s face, his eyes screwed shut and biting his lips as McCree increased the tempo. 

“That’s it sweetheart.” McCree whispered in his ears. “I got you, cain’t forget how to take care of you. I’ll give you just want you need.” 

 

Hanzo smashed his lips to the cowboy’s as the grip around him tightened. He was so close he could almost sob. He had missed this. Missed laying down with McCree and losing himself in the feel.

 

“Jesse...I’m close.” 

 

Hanzo was about to fall into the climax but the hand stopped. Now he was sobbing, completely unsatisfied and left wanting. McCree kissed away the soft cries for completion despite the harsh nails digging into his skin.

 

“Can’t make a mess of the bed dear. Remember, Doctor’s order.”

 

For the second time that day, a Shimada attempted to strangle him with a pillow. 

 

* * *

_ “You done?” You ask, bored. Your gun is no longer heavy in your hands and moves like it is a part of you.  _

 

_ He’s begging for his life, looking at you as if you were god himself. You think back to the images on the harddrive you found and feel no remorse. _

 

_ “Please! Please!” _

 

**_Bang!_ **

 

By the fourth day, his memories did not come back in singular drops but in flash floods. One minute he was relaxing, listening to Lucio’s docile tunes, the next the entirety of the fourth grade would hit him like a freight train. The spare threads of memories quickly became a patchwork of his life. They came back in random order. He would remember the first horse he ever rode then the sandwich he ate last month. 

 

_ Gabe grabs his shoulder, smiling like he is proud of you. Your first mission was a success and you’ve never felt this good.  _

 

_ “You did well McCree.” Simple but it means the world to you. Your heart races and you resist the urge to bounce on the balls of your feet.  _

 

McCree noticed a constant theme of loss. Losing his mother, then his grandmother. Then his Blackwatch mates, losing Gabe. The bodies seemed to pile up and up. The blood on his hands never seemed to end. 

 

_ “Mommy! Mommy!” The girl cries. Her face is obscured by a burlap sack. Her mother is tied up and limp. Your pockets are full of her jewelry.  _

 

Everyone noticed his sombered mood. Ignorance is bliss and his sunny demeanor soured as his memory built. Hana quickly learned that he would no longer raise to her heckling in his new, less excitable state. Fareeha could no longer tease him as his cocksure cowboy melted into his present day loner gunslinger persona. 

 

The older members of Overwatch, whose name’s and histories came back to him in sporadic but appreciated bursts, understood. Without his memory he had been foolhardy and almost childlike. He had  gained wisdom only attributed through hard work and time. 

 

By the time Angela cleared him of medical leave, all he could do was smoke and watch the sunset. 

 

The sun was an old friend for the weathered cowboy. It’s coming and goings were constant and well charted; it served as a fixed point in an otherwise chaotic life. McCree blew a puff of smoke to the wind which dragged it out to the water and beyond. 

 

Tomorrow he would be allowed back into drills as both his injuries and memories were healed to satisfaction. There were still some pressing gaps, holes that may never be filled, but overall he was almost the same person he was a week ago. A part of him carved the ignorance, forgetting had given him some solace from his dark past. He had seen his file that Jesse McCree, who ever he was, was a skilled and deadly man but to be confronted with the magnitude of his body count was unnerving to say the least. 

 

He hated that even with the heavy toll all the death in his life weighed, he still craved to have his gun back. To get back into the action, fighting and shooting and doing whatever to live another day. The inaction was killing him and he hated that he missed his fast pace, eventful life. 

 

The sea lapped at the rocky shoreline below as the sun dipped slowly into its waters. He felt her presence before he heard her. 

 

“Yer losing yer touch Ana. I felt ya from a mile away.” 

 

The older woman let out a soft chuckle. She folded herself down next to him. 

 

“Only because I allowed you to  _ habibi. _ ” She replied. Her eye always held mischief and challenge even when she was being gentle. 

 

_ “I told you. If you can’t pull the trigger, leave.” Gabe says. There is black mist rolling off his body and you could only smell carnage. The holes in their chests hold shotgun shells.  _

 

_ “Gabe this ain’t right. This ain’t us. This ain’t YOU.” You scream. You feel young, like you’re seventeen again, but you’re nearly thirty. This man was your damning salvation, your cursed North Star. You would follow him to hell in back. You HAVE followed him to hell but now you feel stuck among the brimstone and fire.  _

 

_ “I don’t take orders from the likes of you. Fall in line or fall out.” His voice is harsh. Dark. Lost.  _

 

_ “This ain’t right boss. You know it.”  You plead. You don’t want to leave. You don’t have anywhere else to go. You’ve learned to temper your resentment towards him but you know he gave you everything you are. “These are civilians! We’re supposed to be protectin them! This ain’t justice!” _

 

_ “Cut the crap. This isn’t one of your spaghetti westerns cowboy. The sooner you see that the world isn’t so black and white the better. You know I don’t repeat myself often so I’ll say this one more time: pick up your gun and shoot or leave like a damn ingrate.” _

 

Ana placed a warm hand on his shoulder after an eternity of listening to the waves. McCree hadn’t noticed that he was practically shaking. His hands itched for a nice bottle of bourbon and cursed his past self for promising Angela he wouldn’t drink for another week. He needed something to numb the vivid, nightmarish memories. 

 

“We all have our regrets Jesse.”

 

“An’ I seem to have more than most…” 

 

“Perhaps. Or maybe it’s a lifetime of regret coming back to you over the span of a few days. And maybe such regrets are drowning out all of the good you’ve done. The things you have to be proud of.” Her voice was sage. It warmed his heart.

 

_ “You can’t see past the muzzle of your gun kid.” The older woman says. She’s a heroine, a warrior of The Crisis, and smells like clean military barracks and tea. You can’t help but snap back to hide your admiration.  _

 

_ “Ain’t much of a problem if’in they end up dead.”  _

 

_ Sassy. Your mother would be ashamed you think.  _

 

_ “McCree…” Gabe warns. You can see his face but you can see every fine detail of his beanie. _

 

_ “It’s fine Gabriel. He will learn.” _

 

McCree is yanked back into the present again. Ana was still there watching the sea roll into the setting sun. 

 

“Did I learn?” The cowboy asked, still like death. “When we first met. You said I will learn. Did I?”

 

The old sharpshooter was quiet, still like summer air. Her fingers tightened on his shoulder. She always struggled with more intimate feelings that weren’t fighting and leading. A secret shame of hers was that she could never completely unlock a deep motherlike wealth of empathy. She loved hard but only as a soldier could. There were certain feelings she could only commit to paper that danced at the tip of her tongue. 

 

“I believe you have.” She let’s go of his shoulder before standing. “Come inside. Brooding on the cliffside all day will do you no good.”

* * *

By the time dinner rolled around, McCree was in higher spirits. He busied himself with cleaning his room, reviewing combat data from the few missions he missed, updating himself on the team’s current status, and retrieving his precious hat. The busy work kept all his unpleasant memories at bay as he tried to focus only on those that brought him joy. The lingering feelings of loss and anger was tied down with thoughts of the new life he had built at Gibraltar. 

 

That and the fact that Angela said he was medically cleared to have sex brightened his mood immensely.

 

“So I can fu-”

 

“Jesse, if you finish that sentence I will kill you myself and donate your body to science. Yes, you are cleared to go back to you normal activities on the condition that you refrain from drinking so I can monitor your head injury over the course of the next week. Now please, leave.”

 

“You got it doc!” Jesse all but skipped out of the medbay as he walked to the conference room everyone was gathering in. To his mild suprised everyone was already seated and waiting for Reinhardt and Zarya to return with the fruits of celebration:pizza and beer. 

 

“I lose my memory for a few days and y’all get on without me? Have a man feelin’ as if he ain’t wanted round here.” He complained as he sat down at the dining table. The team looked cozy and while it was a stark difference from McCree’s regained memories of Overwatch in its glory days, the scene felt like home.

 

“Someone wants attention.” Hana muttered loudly, not looking up from her handheld gaming device. “Hanzo, do your job.”  She loved watching the older men fumble around with their feelings like lost teenagers. If only the world knew their safety was in the hands of emotionally constipated men…

 

“My job?” The archer asked without looking up. He was the picture of disinterest but the team knew he was listening intently to the conversation. 

 

“You’re a professional cowboy wrangler. You know how to handle him.” 

 

“Yeah dear, I’m feelin’ a bit neglected.” McCree whimpered before sitting next to his lover.

 

“You’ve had visitors around the clock since you’ve woken up and even after you were discharged.” Hanzo stated matter of factly. 

 

“Really? I don’t remember.” McCree smirked. The table groaned.

 

“He’s going to be doing that until the end of time isn’t he?” Lucio groaned. 

 

“I’m afraid so.” Fareeha sighed. 

 

“Behold! Pizza!” Reinhardt yelled, holding ten boxes on each arm. The table cheered as the boxes were snatched up left and right. 

 

The conversation drifted from McCree to the last mission, new training simulations, and small tidbits of current events. The cowboy allowed the conversation to flow around him and he felt a small semblance of peace for the first time in what felt like years. His past pain felt more and more distant with each passing minute. 

 

“Are you alright?” Hanzo asked. He kept his voice low as to create a private conversation in the mist of booming voices. McCree resisted the urge to lean forward and steal a kiss on the cheek. He wasn’t sure which memory taught him self control but he regain much of it over the passed few days. 

 

“Just fine dear. I’m just glad to be out the medbay and with everyone is all.” Hanzo hummed in reply but his eyes still watched him carefully. “Really. I’m all good babe. Pass me the parm?” 

 

_ “Whatcha doin there?” You ask, barely containing the joy in your heart. You watch Hanzo slowly turned around. It was 3 a.m and the archer had climbed on top of the counter and is now caught red handed in the literal cookie jar. _

 

_ Mei’s famous cookies are always placed up high to discourage greedy hands. _

 

_ “It is..This is…” Hanzo fumbles for a valid excuse as he quickly scrambles off. His hair is down and his traditional sleepwear is exchanged out for loose sweatpants and undershirt. His muscled chest and shoulders are barely contained by the thin fabric. He was vulnerable in a way you’ve never seen and you just want to ravish him. _

 

_ No. _

 

_ You want to love him.  _

 

_ A sweet blush dusts his cheeks and you just want to grab him and pull him into a kiss. Everything tells you to give up the ghost and tell this ex-yakuza with the lovely sour face that you’re madly in love with him.  _

 

_ “Do not tell. Please.” He says it as if it will kill him. He has that cute frown line that you want to kiss away.  _

 

_ “Only if you share darlin’.”  _

 

McCree chuckled at the memory as a swell of love and affection gripped him. God, how far gone was he for this man? He had forgotten how much he had loved him.

 

“What?” Hanzo asked, eyebrows raised a bit. McCree’s chuckling drew the attention of Mei and Ana.

 

“A good memory  _ habibi _ ?” 

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Of what?” Mei asked. More heads turned to him curiously.

 

“It’s just...I remembered the day I fell in love with him.” McCree admitted, pointing his chin at the archer to his side. 

 

“GAH! I want to be mad but shit, that was cute!” Hana groaned again, head in hand. Mei all but squealed at the news and Ana gave a soft chuckle. 

 

“So sweet!”

 

“I’m still mad at you McCree but if I wasn’t, that would be admittedly adorable.” 

 

“Young love!”

 

“We’re nearly forty…”

 

“Hey now sugar, take the compliment!”

* * *

 

Dinner was pleasant and when Hanzo reaches out under the table to hold his hand, he almost stopped wishing his bottled water was a beer. 

 

Almost. 

 

The table was cleared of trash and boxes as the commotion continued through the room and out the door. McCree pulled Hanzo back to him as the two lingered at rear of the crowd. Pressing up against Hanzo’s back, McCree wrapped his arm around his waist and kissed his ear. 

 

“So doll face, I reckon it’s time we get back to finishin’ what we started a few nights ago.” His voice was barely a whisper. Hanzo went tense then lax in his arms but didn’t turn around. Instead he kept a measured pace behind the group as they exited, just outside the earshot of the more perceptive members. 

 

“Dr. Ziegler said that was alright?” He asked, the two men falling in step with each other with McCree draping his arm around the archer’s strong shoulders. 

 

“My doctor’s note to fuck is filled out.” He smirked. At the fork in the hall, McCree began to pull his lover towards the bedrooms instead of the common area. 

 

“I doubt she would say something like that.” Hanzo said. He allowed himself to be guided towards the rooms. 

 

“And where do you two think you’re going?” Fareeha called.  Her hands were on her hips as she glanced between them. McCree had the decency to looked admonished but Hanzo gazed back in equal parts defiance and disinterest. 

 

“We were hoping to retire for the night.” The archer replied. He turned back to continue walking. 

 

“Before movie night?” Fareeha said. The mischievous look in her eyes, not unlike her mother, showed that she was privy to what they were hoping to retire to. 

 

“It’s my first night out of the medbay so-“

 

“But we’re watching your favorite! I convinced everyone to settle in for an ancient classic:  _ The Magnificent Seven _ .”

 

Jesse chewed his lip. He did love that movie but…. 

 

Hanzo eyebrows raised up high as he looked on with disbelief, amazed that he was actually considering it. 

 

“No we really must-“ Hanzo began, tugging McCree towards their quarters but the cowboy stood rooted to the ground. 

 

“Aw Han, it’s my favorite! You know they don’t let me pick westerns any more.”  McCree tried his best to give off hurt puppy dog eyes but Hanzo’s continued look of shock showed it hadn’t gone over well. 

 

“Fine.” The archer replied. His displeasure was schooled into a neutral face as he dropped the cowboy’s hand. He walked passed Fareeha towards the communal living room. The security agent watched him go with mild amusement. 

 

“Dog house? Definitely feels like you’re in the dog house.” She commented, all too pleased with herself. 

 

“Worth it. Gon this long without sex, I can manage another day or two.”

 

The movie was amazing and after some half hearted complaints, everyone in the room become enthralled in the action. McCree did however miss the warmth of the archer by his side. In a display of spite, Hanzo decided to sit next to Ana and his brother. 

 

“Okay, now he’s all yours.” Fareeha said to Hanzo at the end of the movie while holding onto McCree’s shoulders. The archer barely looked over. 

 

“Keep him.” He replied before walking toward his dormitory. The pilot howled with laughter, holding onto McCree to prevent from doubling over. 

 

“Definitely dog house.” She cried. 

 

“Cain’t be mad at me forever sweetheart!” McCree called out after him . “I know you like spaghetti westerns, you got a thing for cowboys.”

 

“Ugh, gross.”  The younger woman shoved him a bit too hard in the ribs. He remembered a time when her skinny hands felt like butterfly touches. 

 

“Reeha! Not too hard I’m an old man suffering from memory lost.” Being next to the young guard made McCree accurately aware of his age. For a man pushing forty he was in good shape but the differences between a whiskey diet and military food regimen showed. 

 

“You can’t milk it forever.” She said smiling. While teasing the clueless cowboy was fun, she preferred McCree’s more aged understanding of himself and the world. Maturity and impulse control was a good look for him. 

 

“Watch me.”

 

The two parted ways after a sharing goodnights. Time in the medbay had allowed McCree to look over and relearn the layout of the Watch Point. That combined with a surprising amount of muscle memory led him back to his room with ease. A small part of him hoped that Hanzo would be behind the door waiting for him naked and ready. His disappointment was palpable when the door revealed an empty room. 

Sighing, he stepped inside. 

 

_ You feel as though you might break. Under him. He’s riding you raw, bouncing on your cock like he is made for it. Your hands grab at his hips because if you let go, you’ll shoot off into the sky. The room is bright, blindingly so, and the only thing you can hear is your own moans mixed with his. _

 

_ In the hotel room in Ilios, Hanzo is unabashed. He is loud. Hard. Achingly hard. His hand dig into the sheets on either side of your head. Your eyes are crossed and you can only smell sex but you want to watch him. This beautiful, dangerous man is robbing you of everything you have and more. _

 

_ “Jesse...I am so close.” He moans. He only ever says your first name when he is too far gone for formalities and pretending this new, fledgling relationship isn’t flourishing. Low and rough, his words pass across your face. You want to kiss him but can’t focus enough on his lips to make the distance. _

 

_ “I know darlin’...Fuck...J-just let go for me... Let go Han. I wanna see-” _

 

Fuck. 

 

McCree grabbed his hardened cock through his pants. The weight of it begged to be stroked. He thought of Hanzo’s quick tongue and powerful thighs. He tightened his grip to keep from releasing in his pants like a teenager.

 

Hanzo would get over his detour away from quality time tonight and then they both could sate their shared hunger. Yes, he would forgive McCree then fall into his arms and bed. 

 

Eventually.

 

Hopefully. 


	2. Retrospection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jesse remembers a promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reading the first fic in this series could help because this chapter is full of call backs to previous comments but it's not necessary.

_ “What is this?” Hanzo throws the box of expensive chocolates onto the table like it offends him. It’s late. You nurse your Ginseng and try to act like it didn’t hurt to see that. _

 

_ “It’s a gift for ya. Thought you might like it.” Hanzo shifts in his night clothes. He’s nervous in a way you’ve never seen him. You watch him carefully from the corner of your eye. He’s flinching away from your hand. _

 

_ “I do not know what to say.” _

 

_ “Thank ya would be a fine start.” You take a sip and wait.  _

 

_ “Thank you.” Another eternity. He looks up from the gift on the table and looks you in the eyes. You want to believe he’s aching like you are. “ What now?”  _

 

_ “Whatever you want.”  _

 

_ “What I want... I cannot. I do not know. How do I accept this...gift?” The sentence is wrapped up in double meanings and hidden questions. You stare a bit longer. The lights dims a bit, signaling its shift into power save mode.  _

 

_ “You know Han? Yer real shy.” You say after a beat. His eyes widen and he might actually kill you.  _

 

_ “Shy?”  _

 

_ “Yeah. But it’s alright. I like ‘em shy.”  _

 

_ Hanzo gives a small smirk and chuckles.  _

 

_ “Even if it means...that I can not always accept your...gifts? Even if I am...difficult?” _

 

_ You get up smiling.  _

 

_ “Sweetheart I ain’t a stranger to a lil’ challenge. And I’m not exactly smooth sailings all the time.”  _

 

_ Hanzo lets you get closer before he acts. Strong hands pull you close as if he’s finally giving himself permission to act on his desires.  _

 

_ “This is a fool’s gambit.”  _

 

_ “Never said I was anything but.” You melt into his arms and it feels so good to finally have this.  _

 

_ “You might spoil me.” The archer preens into your touch, lips ghosting along the side of your neck. It raises the hair on your skin and you’re pretty sure you could live like this forever. _

 

_ “Reckon I ain’t ever have a partner I didn’t spoil some.” _

 

_ “And what can I possibly give you in return?” There’s no haughty pride in his voice, no regal confidence. It’s raw and honest and yours.  _

 

_ “All I’m askin’ for is you.” _

 

_ “Then you’re a simple man Jesse McCree.” _

 

_ “And yer a handful Shimada Hanzo.”  He laughs into your shoulder but doesn’t deny it.  _

 

The memory left him warm as Jesse quietly waited for Angie to pull up her reports on his conditions. Over the past week, Jesse was slowly allowed to rejoin all team activities but active duty. He was anxious to get back onto the field because being on base for too long left him antsy. He just needed Winston and the good doctor to clear him. 

 

“Any numbness?”

 

“No.”

 

“Light sensitivity?”

 

“No.”

 

“Headache? Fever?”

 

“No and no.”

 

“How many fingers am I holding up?”

 

“Is this the kind of trick question where the answer is 4 because the thumb don’t count?”

 

“Jesse.”  Angela said with an air of exasperation. 

 

“Please try to cooperate McCree…” Winston said. The large ape adjusted his glasses as he read over Angela’s report. He had been monitoring the cowboy’s condition since he came back from a mission in Illios.  McCree’s experience and skill were sorely needed in the field but Winston did not want to rush his recovery. 

“Don’t worry big fella, I’m just teasing y’all a bit. I feel fine. Really.” McCree gave his most reassuring smile but both scientists had similar looks of skepticism. “If anything starts feelin funny, I’ll let y’all know right away. No funny business.”

 

“I appreciate your restraint and avoiding the m-word.” Winston said with a small laugh. The cowboy winked and smirked. 

 

“It was a part of The Peanut Butter Brawl of ‘77 peace agreements.” 

 

“You remember!” The scientist resisted the urge to clap with his feet. Instead he laid a huge paw on the gunslinger’s shoulder. “I think I can clear you for active duty, I don’t have much of a choice.Your notes on the new member classification system were very insightful.” 

 

“No problem. It gave me something to do. You know what they say about idle hands.” 

 

McCree had been truly grateful for the busy work. It’s been a week since he was cleared by Angela to leave the medbay and despite scheduled training and meetings, not participating in any missions was driving him up the wall. Reviewing battle material was the closest he could get to the action. Plus, the removal of the defense category and the simplification of the damage per second class was a change Jesse had been quietly advocating for for years. It made no sense when you really started to parse through it…

 

“If you’re really  _ itching  _ for a fight,” The ape paused to giggle at his own joke. “Then we have a four man op scheduled for tomorrow night.” 

 

McCree almost jumped up from the examination table. 

 

“Hot damn! I’ll take a 72 hour recon mission in Topeka at this point. Anything to get off this base and out of this medbay.” Angela turned a judging eye at him. “Not that present company ain’t lovely.”  He added on. 

 

“ _ Danken. _ ” The battle medic said primly. 

 

“Alright!” Winston used his meaty fingers to type on his datapad, changing around the rooster and messaging the agents involved. “I will finish writing the mission brief and gather the time by 1200 tomorrow.”

 

After a few more pokes and prods, Jesse was free to leave the medbay with his active duty status reinstated. He was almost tempted to click his heels at the news but settled on a jolly whistle and a nice calming smoke. 

_ “Fuck…” Your voice sounds foreign to your own ears. You grab his hair in a futile attempt to regain control. He’s in charge, even on his knees, and shame for thinking otherwise.  _

 

_ Hanzo swallows around your length and gags. You see a dark hair bob up and down. Once. Twice. Then you’re shooting into his mouth.  _

 

_ “Choke.” You mutter as if it’s some fine retribution to see him struggle after he’s spent the last half hour teasing you into oblivion. He doesn’t. Instead he swallows as if he’s done this a thousand times before when this has only been your fourth tryst.  _

 

_ He leaves you with less than you walked into this with and you have half a mind to beg him to do it again. You hate it. You love it. You hate that you love it and he pulls your cock from his fucked red lips and smirks.  _

 

The particularly angsty memory was a punch to the gut and makes him skitter to a stop. Jesse was hard in half a second in the middle of the hallway where anyone could stumble upon him. His face heated up at the thought and he cursed Hanzo again. He rushed for his private room to handle the problem before dinner.

 

Instead of finishing himself off like he intended, he flopped onto the bed. The bed was large enough to fit two men comfortable. It’s larger than standard size was something he would have quite literally killed to have during Blackwatch. 

 

_ “Stay the night.” You’re earnest in a way you are only ever when you’re sober enough to blame your words on drunk thoughts. He looks at you. Not angry or cold. Just looks. Watching your face for something you know isn’t there.  _

 

_ “I…cannot.” This thing between you is...not new. No you have fallen into bed many times before but  _ **_this_ ** _ is new. The relationship. Naming the thing between you into something official. _

 

_ “And why not?” _

 

_ “The bed is far too small for us to sleep in. Together.” _

 

_ “Ain’t too small to fuck in.” You observe. He stiffens and looks away.  _

 

_ “That is different.” You’re tempted to say how so but instead you let him slip away… _

  
  
  


_ “Damn.” You curse loud enough to draw their attention. You make a show out of your inability to move the large packages.  _

 

_ Zarya, Rein, and Gen look over. They had just finished a training simulation and were heading back towards the dormitories.  _

 

_ “What is wrong McCree?” Reinhardt bellows. It’s almost too easy/ You almost feel bad for it.  _

 

_ “Oh good, Rein, yer just who I wanted to see. Got these two big packages here. Need the strongest guy here to help me with it. It’s bout 200lbs each.”  _

 

_ “No problem my friend!”  _

 

_ Zarya scoffs and you know you got them hook, line, and sinker.   _

 

_ “Careful, old man. Would not want to displace a hip. McCree, let me help you. I can have them there in one trip.” Zarya interjects. _

 

_ “Old man! Ah! I can have it there in half the time.”  _

 

_ “He wants them in one piece.” She retorts.  _

 

_ From there the two bicker, both hualing one package a piece and you are genuinely impressed with what they consider a post workout cool down.  _

 

_ “A bed?” Genji ponders. He stands besides you while you watch the two behemoths set up the new box spring and and mattress.  _

 

_ “A big one.” Jesse confirms. With the faceplate off, scars tentatively on display, Genji is almost an open book. He gives a cheshire grin and raises his eyebrows.  _

 

_ “Wow, you guys must be serious. He’s moving in? I can’t wait for the wedding.”  _

 

_ “Yeah why don’t you go grab him so we can break it in?”  _

 

_ It takes both Zarya and Rein to pry his fingers from your neck and you nearly choke on your own laughter.  _

 

Jesse sighed as he rode out the wave of elation, suffocation, and hope. Once he remembered what it was like to sleep next to a warm body, he never wanted to go back to sleeping alone. The threads of his memory reconnected themselves almost seamlessly now. Memories no longer hit in crippling shooks that left him brimming with faded energy. Instead, what was missing subtly fell into place more and Jesse was happier for it. While he enjoyed the visceral flush of the vivid memories, some things were better left buried in the past. The only kinds of memories that pulled him from the present now were those with Hanzo.

 

The first time they shared this bed. Their first kiss. The first time he held the archer and wept. The first time Hanzo told him about his mother. The last time they made love. 

 

Jesse could relive those sweet moments until his last breathe and die a happy man. After the burst of pure elation from the memory faded, he was left feeling empty. He wanted to make new moments to hold on to instead of dwelling in the past. The archer, however, left him little choice. Any attempts to talk or joke in the past week was met with short replies and hard stares. It hurt more than Jesse cared to admit. 

 

_ “You have been nothing but trouble darlin.” you mutter, grabbing his chin so you can look him in the eye. “I figured you like causin a bit a trouble.”  _

 

_ You press your weight into him fully so he can feel how hard he’s made you. Just a taste of what’s to come. Hanzo smirks. _

 

_ “Is that what you believe? That I am trouble?” He licks his lips and grabs your ass to pull you closer. _

 

_ “Got another name for it?” The heat is in your ears and you don’t know where your skin ends and where his beginnings. It feels right and it pisses you off in the best of ways to know he’s kept you at bay for so long.  _

 

_ “A challenge.” He leans forward to nip at your lips. “A challenge,” he repeats slowly. Sinnfully. “That can only be surmounted. Conquered. What fun is could come from given in too easily?”  _

 

_ He licks your chin and slides his arm up your thigh. He’s rough but not rushed.  _

 

_ “Have I won?” You love a good game and this bastard knows it. Hanzo is a puzzle you’ll never grow tired of.  _

 

_ “That remains to be seen.” He yanks your hair and you notice the sparks of a storm in his dark eyes.  _

 

**_Calling all agents. Please come to the conference room. Calling all agents…_ **

 

_ The urge to kill has never taken over you so quickly.  _

 

_ “I suppose we need to answer the call.” Hanzo muses with a frown. He still feels so good pressed against you. Your blood doesn’t know which way to go. You kiss at his shoulder and hope it’s enough to keep him close.  _

 

_ “Or we can pretend they ain’t call. Ya won’t even hear it once we really get into it…”  _

 

_ You snake your hand down between your body.  _

 

**_Calling all agents. Please come to the conference room._ **

 

_ “When we come back. I would like…” Hanzo holds your gaze and grins wickedly. He presses his finger to your lips to not so subtly push you away. “To take my time with you.” _

 

_ “Only til after the mission. Then I’m fucking your brains out. Capisce?” _

 

_ “I promise I’ll hold you to.” _

 

The promise. Of course. The pieces fall into place. He rushed out of the room without even grabbing his hat. 

* * *

Jesse knocked on the door then folded his arms as he waited for the archer to answer. It was after training but before dinner so Hanzo was most likely showering off and preparing for  meditation. The man need to keep a fairly regulated schedule stemmed from not only his strict upbringing but for the structure provided by ridge repetition. Regulated routines kept him from spirally into depression after his self-imposed exile. Jesse could easily recall the night Hanzo revealed this truth to him after the cowboy had teased him a bit too much about his narrow schedule.

 

After another moment, the door opened. True to his routine, Hanzo appeared freshly showered and unhappy. 

 

“Hey there sugar.” Jesse greeted. He drinks in the sight of his lover, freshly showered and relaxed from his work out. He’s only seen him in passing glances over the last week and to have him so close again was nearly intolerable. 

 

“Hello…” The archer was forcefully nonchalant. 

 

“I finally remembered a promise I made a while back. Wanted to be a man of my word.” Jesse makes a show out of dragging his eyes down Hanzo’s body. The archer glances him over as well, face still neutral.

 

“What makes you think I am still interested?”

 

“Cuz I reckon it’s been over a week since you last got fucked properly and I’m heading out on duty tomorrow. Do you really want to wait any longer?” 

 

A daring, cocky start that rewarded him in the end. Hanzo yanked the cowboy into the room and slammed him against the closing door. He’s pressed against him from head to toe. Jesse’s hands found their rightful place on his hips.  

 

“You really do enjoy playin hard to get Shimada.” Jesse said, bending down slightly to kiss along the archer’s face. 

 

“So you’ve said.” Hanzo chuckled. His strong hands come to grab at Jesse’s hair and sweet Jesus, does that feel better than just a memory. Hanzo manhandled him into the perfect position to capture his lips. 

 

Hanzo attempted to make the kiss harsh and heavy but Jesse slows him down with languid movements of tongue. He didn’t want to rush, wanted to take his time remapping the contours of Hanzo’s body.  Jesse shifted his hands from their perch on his hips. His metal hand traveled to the back of the archer’s neck, the flesh hand sliding down to cup at the ass that tormented him. He kept the kiss between them shallow and tempting, pulling back whenever Hanzo pushed in too deeply. 

 

“You...are starting to annoy me.” Hanzo muttered, breathe airy and strained. His thumbs rubbed at the cowboy’s cheekbone in a way too soft for such deadly weapons. “Is this retribution?”

Jesse laughed and squeezed at the ass in his hands. 

 

“Maybe I want to take my time sugar.”

 

“And here I thought you promised to  _ fuck me into the mattress _ .” Hanzo brushed his fingers along the cowboy’s sideburns, following his movements with his stormy eyes. Jesse could feel the other’s hard on through the thin casual wear. 

 

“No reason I can’t do both.” Jesse pushed him back towards the bed. Smaller than the one in his room and it dawned on him. This room was startlingly barren, even by Hanzo’s standards. It was little more than a storage room with a mattress which meant that most of Hanzo’s things were somewhere else. 

 

_ “Stay the night. This bed’s big enough for two.” You sound so close to pleading. He’s still in your arms.  _

 

_ “I grow tired of moving my daily belongs back and forth.” He replies, quiet as if not to disturb the air in the room.  _

 

_ “Then just keep it here.” The words fly out before you can stop them. “Not everything. Just a few things. So you don’t gotta go back and forth.” _

 

_ Silence. The blanket suddenly feels suffocating and you wonder if air could be made of lead.  _

 

_ Silence. Hanzo is stuff as a plank in your arms and you can feel him analyze the problem seven ways from Sunday.  _

 

_ Silence. You feel like an idiot in a way that only Hanzo can inspire.  _

 

_ “Fine. Just a few things.” You exhale and feel like a king in a way that only Hanzo can spark.  _

 

“Come back to our room.” Jesse said as he was pulled back into the present. He finished nudging  Hanzo to lay down on the standard sized mattress. “I don’t like sleepin alone anymore.”

 

Jesse carefully crawled on top. Hanzo was spread out against the dark sheets like a filling meal. Jesse wanted to take his time, to lavish him with heated touches, spoil him rotten and leave him unable to find release with anyone but Jesse. Few would dare to call the cowboy a coward but with moments like this, where Jesse allowed himself to drop the veneer and be vulnerable, he felt like running for the hills. 

 

“Nor do I.” 

 

Feelings of cowardice and softness are soothe over by Hanzo and Jesse is grateful for it. Jesse  leaned in to recapture the other’s lips. This kiss isn’t sweet but rather rough and methodical. Jesse decided that he will take this maddingly challenge man apart piece by piece. 

 

“Yer really somethin you know that?” Jesse whispered in the scant space created between their lips. “Been drivin me mad all this time, can’t hardly think straight.”

 

“Do not blame your inability to think on me. That was a problem long before you knew me.” Hanzo quipped with a smirk. 

 

“Keep it up mister.” Jesse kissed at his neck, taking his time to worry a spot below his jaw into purple blooms. His hands slid up and under Hanzo’s shirt to pull the fabric away. 

 

“Off.” Jesse commanded and to his surprise Hanzo followed. The shirt was stripped away and thrown onto the floor. Jesse drank in the sight of Hanzo’s mystic tattoos, sculpted chest, and defined abs. The man was a work of art, every inch of him. The mere thought that something so beautiful was his for the picking made him dizzy. 

 

“Don’t just look.” Hanzo snapped quietly before nudging the cowboy with his knee. 

 

“Ain’t gonna apologize sweetheart. I need to get a feel for the lay of the land again.” Jesse grabbed Hanzo’s wrists before they could come up to push him on. Trapping Hanzo’s hands above his head, Jesse knew the ex-yakuza could easy flip their positions in a blink of an eye. He added a bit of extra pressure with his mechanical hand. Nothing too strong, just smart enough to hint at what it could do.

 

“I’d appreciate it if you’d be kind enough to let me enjoy myself.” Jesse said.

 

After one last kiss to the lips, Jesse made his way down Hanzo’s body. He trailed his tongue along the grooves of his clavicle and he structure of his throat. He gave teasing bites to each nipple. Jesse knew he could sit and play with the sensitive nubs all day, driving Hanzo mad, but he was after a different prize tonight. 

 

Hanzo’s hands stayed at his side but he didn’t stop himself from rolling his hips up in an open invitation. 

 

“Get on with it.” His voice is strained and short. There’s a lovely blush spreading across his cheeks that Jesse could only appreciate from this angle. 

 

The cowboy finally gets to his prize; Hanzo’s hardened cock concealed only by his thin linen pants was square with his face.  Jesse presses his mouth along its ridge to sample the delicacy. The man under him lets a wreck moan spill forth. It had been far too long and Jesse was itchin to make up for lost time. 

 

He kissed along the outline, making a mess of the front of his pants. With slow and deliberate motions he finally freed Hanzo’s length, pulling his pants off entirely so the archer could be completely bare. 

 

“That’s it.” Jesse murmured. Memories did not do this pretty prick justice. It was well proportioned and a rich dusky pink. Its head had collected a few beads of pre-cum as it stood at attention. 

 

Jesse gave the presented cock a few smooth jerks, watching Hanzo’s body twitch from the stimulation. He thumbed at his balls at the base and toyed with the tip at the top. 

 

“So good for me darlin. So good.” The cowboys voice was lost to his own ears, disembodied as his consciousness focused only on the nude body before him. 

 

Finally, Jesse indulged in the divine pleasure of taking the tip into his mouth. The invisible chains holding Hanzo’s hands to the side snapped as the archer immediately grabbed the brown locks in front of him. Jesse decided he didn’t mind as he was guided to take more of the dick.

 

Jesse didn’t allow Hanzo to set the pace despite his pulling.  Instead, he bobbed and sucked at his own leisure, savoring the salty musk and Hanzo’s choked breathes. The gunslinger’s hands rested on either hip, grounding him, as he swirled his tongue around the shaft. Hanzo had his eyes closed and worried his bottom lip. His hips jerked against the right grasp of Jesse’s hands, attempting to deepen the thrusts. 

 

For few moments the only sounds that filled the room was Hesse’s obscene slurps and Hanzo’s jagged pants. 

 

“Jesse, more. I need….” The slower pace was driving the archer insane. He spreads his legs, letting one fall off the edge of the bed, silently pointing to what he needed. 

 

Jesse pulled off in one slow, long drag, punctuating the motion with a satisfying pop. He glanced at the sprawled legs and the clenching opening peeking out from below. 

 

“Still got any lube here angel?” Jesse asked before mouthing at his dick again. His thumbs rubbed lazy circles on Hanzo’s hip bones as he waited. 

 

Hanzo grabbed the lube from the bedside table and all but threw it at the cowboy. 

 

“Quickly.” His voice was strained and coarse. He wasn’t anywhere close to breaking but Jesse was determined to see him through it. 

 

The lube was snapped open and poured over his flesh fingers. The metal could get the job done just fine but Jesse preferred to personally feel the heat and tightness. He pushed a single finger against the opening and was surprised when he was met with no resistance. 

 

“Did you-“

 

“Yes. It was taking you far too long.” His voice was hoarse but unashamed. 

 

“And here I was drivin myself up a wall thinking about you when you had yourself slicked up and ready for ages. That ain’t right darlin.”

 

Jesse pushed his finger in to the hilt while recapturing the leaking, spit slick head. He worked his fingers in with long thrusts while keeping a steady pace with his sucking. Hanzo’s hands grabbed onto his hair to keep himself grounded as Jesse nudged at his prostate. 

 

The feelings were overwhelming; the hot mouth, unyielding fingers, and the firm hand on his hip left the archer no room to twist away. Jesse seemed to surround him in every sense of the word. He wanted to ride out this build up of pleasure for as long as he could, riding Jesse’s fingers until he shot off into his mouth. The cowboy took him deeper and added a third finger. 

 

There was little Hanzo could do but empty himself into the awaiting mouth. Jesse drank it down with no fuss but didn’t slow his fingers. Instead, he set a punishing pace that made the archer wither from overstimulation. Jesse suckled at the softening cock in his mouth, his own dick hard and heavy in his pants. 

 

“Seein as you got an early start, I reckon I can keep going.” A hidden request presented as a command. Hanzo gave a jerky nod in return as he fell boneless into the mattress. 

 

Jesse crawls back up his body to kiss along the previously paved path. The marks had darkened against the peach of Hanzo’s skin. It was a good look for him but Jesse knew that they would both need to use a low frequency bio emitter to heal up any intimate bruising. Par for the course when your lover walks around with half their chest out. 

 

Jesse recaptured Hanzo’s lips in a slow kiss, having the other taste himself on his tongue. His fingers found their way back into Hanzo’s stretched hole. Between the short, breathy pants and the tight heat around his fingers, Jesse was harder than he’s ever been. He grinded his clothed cock against his legs as he continued to kiss him. 

 

“Think you got another round in you.” The gunslinger brought his hand up from his hole to touch along the softened cock. He held it in a light grasp before slowly stroking him again. Hanzo shook from overstimulation but Jesse was unrelenting. He peppered kisses along his jawline.

 

“You’ll be good for me, right angel?” His drawl came out thicker in the heat of passion. He was too enthralled to take a moment to free his own aching cock and instead continued to rut against his leg. 

 

Hanzo’s hands pawed at his shirt, pulling him infinitely closer.

 

“Take off your clothes and fuck me.” He ordered. When Hanzo barked orders like that, Jesse had no other choice but to comply. He ripped off his shirt and slid off the bed long enough to step out of his sweats and boxers. His cock sprung forward, hard and dripping. He climbed back on top of the archer and he welcomed him with open arms. 

 

Even in the too small bed, their bodies fit together perfectly in one sweaty puzzle. Being in Hanzo’s arms was decadent and warm, as if he was partaking in a treasure too rich for his unrefined palate.

 

But Jesse was a glutton and always took more than his fair share. 

 

He grabbed onto Hanzo’s dick, jerking it roughly to complete stiffness again. Free from its pants, the archer could finally take Jesse’s shaft in hand. It felt too good, a bit of relief to the heady rush consuming him. It truly had been far too long.

 

Jesse reached back towards Hanzo’s hole to slide in three thick fingers. The archer’s earlier prep made the whole thing go a lot fast and boy howdy was that a thought. Hanzo, splayed out naked on this bed, fingering himself to the thought of Jesse. Or using one of the toys he has tucked away for lonely nights. 

 

“Yer somethin else.” Jesse repeated between moans. Hanzo had not stopped his steady strokes but the gunslinger did not need to be coaxed to hardness. His cock was aching and ready for whatever he could take.

 

Jesse grabbed the lube again, pouring a generous amount over Hanzo’s nimble fingers. The added slick made the slide easy and Jesse was almost content to let his lover jerk him off until he came all over his abs. But he made a promise and he was a man of his word. 

 

“You ready sugar plum? I can’t hold back no more. Wanna make is good for you...give you what you need.” Jesse’s voice was strained as he groaned. The bravado of before was long gone, replaced with a simple rushing urge to have and give. 

 

“Do as you must.” Hanzo replied. Not an order per say but as he stood on the precipice of his second orgasm, Hanzo had no time for elaborate cries. 

 

“Yes. I got you babe…” 

 

Jesse shifted his position to line his weeping cock up with Hanzo’s reddened hole. The first push was always torturous. Jesse fought the urge to slam home and instead forced himself to sink in inch by delicious inch. The slow push fucked the air out of Hanzo’s lungs, leaving him breathless in a way only sex can manage. 

 

Jesse’s skin was hot and his mind narrowed down to points of contact between himself and Hanzo as he bottomed out. The right heat surrounding him, Hanzo’s hands rubbing circles on his back. The hard cock pressed between their stomachs. Bitten lips pressed along his jawline.

 

There was no space between them, no air or molecule. Just the feeling of an ache finally satisfied and the promise of what’s to come if Jesse could find his wits and  _ move _ . 

 

He starts with full, slow thrusts. A single minded focus meant to stave off ending before this really begins. Hanzo is a honeyed vice around him and Jesse has to bit his inner lip to keep from shooting off immediately. Hanzo’s legs wrapped around his waist to pull him in. He rolls his hip up into Jesse’s sure pushes. The cowboy’s cock is girthy and fills his lover to the hilt. Each patient push fucks the shape of him into Hanzo. 

 

With hands on either side of Hanzo’s head, Jess was anchored to the bed. This was better than he remember. It was as if he wasn’t looking at reflections of light but finally basking in the full glory of the sun. His watched Hanzo’s face, blinking away drips of sweat. 

 

“Yer so good to me darlin...Too good- can’t believe I ever managed to forget havin you like this.” He thrusted hard in each word to accentuate his point. The archer moaned, tightening his legs around his lover to pull him impossibly closer. 

 

“Faster! I need...more.” Hanzo ordered because even in the thralls of passion he was bossy.

 

Jesse complied easily. He picked up his pace, leaving behind the languid push and pull for powerful short pumps. Jess was ramming past his prostate and pulling out the most delicious moans from his throat. Hanzo’s hands traveled up his back and into his hair, pulling him down for a kiss. It was messy and sharp, the angle was wrong and Jesse’s teeth caught on his lips, but it was perfect. 

 

Jesse didn’t slow his thrusts. He was chasing a hot pleasure found only while balls deep in the love of his life. He shifted his weight to his metal arm so his other hand could travel down Hanzo’s heaving chest to his slicked cock. He was not delicate but rather clumsy as he grabbed the throbbing dick too roughly.  

 

“Want ya to come on my dick darlin, wanna feel you tighten around me real nice. Can you do that for me Han? Take my cock and come all pretty like?” 

 

Hanzo had ran his hand up into Jesse’s hair, yanking him down hard to whisper in his ear.

 

“No, you will come first, Jesse. Penance for forgetting how good it feels to be with me. Like this.” Hanzo nipped his ear. “Lose yourself in me Jesse.”

Jesse snapped after that, losing all sense of rhyme and reason. Sometimes he didn’t know why he bothered, Hanzo would always win. His thrusts were sloppy and fast, the hand around Hanzo’s cock too tight and brutal. The fog from their love making was making him cross eyed but he couldn’t stop if it killed him. Suffocating from the inside out, Hanzo was stealing his breath away and Jesse never wanted to part from him. 

 

The crescendo built between them was raw and overheated. A hand full of powerful thrusts and Jesse broke first, just as Hanzo foretold. He came into his lover long and hard, filling him without shame or remorse. His hand twisted and pulled, delivering Hanzo to his second orgasm of the night. 

 

They collapse into each other with heavy pants. Completely sated and relaxed, Jesse figured he could get used to this. The bed really was too small for two grown men with Jesse half on top of Hanzo and partially on the mattress. 

 

“Next time, come to my room.” Jesse mumbled into the archer’s kiss bitten shoulder. 

 

Hanzo turns to face him. He’s gorgeous with his stormy eyes and sweat slicked hair. “Our room.”

 

“Our room.” Jesse agreed with a weak smile.

 

They sat in silence for a moment, the sticky mess between them cooling and Jesse’s spent cock still buried in his lover. 

 

“I need to take a shower again.”

 

Groaning, Jesse was completely content to wallow in their collective filth if it meant another minute in bed. 

 

“No pillow talk?”

 

“You leave tomorrow and I leave the day after that. We will not have much time together and the night is still young.” Hanzo easily pushed Jesse off of him to get to his feet. He tugged on Jesse’s metal hand, eyes saying clearly:  _ move or be moved _ . With an exaggerated sigh, the cowboy was lead into the bathroom.

 

Unlike the bed, the shower was just big enough to share comfortably. Hanzo turned on the water, letting steam fill the room. 

 

“Admit it, you just want to get to the cake Lena brought back from Paris.” Jesse said as he was pulled under the shower head. His boyfriend laughed into the warming water. 

 

“If we do not show up for dinner, the others might gossip.” Hanzo turned to face his lover and smiled. Chest to chest and in the nude, their height difference was more pronounced and the archer had to get on his tiptoes to steal a kiss. 

 

“We wouldn’t want that.” Jesse replied. Jesse kept the kiss light and slow. He knew he should grab some shower gel and a wash rag but he couldn’t move his hands away from Hanzo. In the shower mist, there was a warm intimacy stoked by the afterglow of sex. Hanzo liked his bathing time but a few minutes making out under the nicest shower system Jesse’s had access to in years wouldn’t hurt none. 

 

_ “What’s this?” You ask. Smoke from your lips catches in the wind and blows out into the sea air.  _

 

_ “A gift. For you.” Hanzo is fidgeting like he’s never given a present to anyone in his life. He holds out the small box and waits.  _

 

_ You bite down to hold the cigar in place and take the box gently with both hands. It’s meticulously and precisely wrapped in a way that screams painstaking perfection. The image of Hanzo laboring over perfectly straight cuts in elf wrapping paper makes you chuckle.  _

 

_ “Can I guess what is is?” You gentle rattle the box to see if anything jingles. _

 

_ “You can simply open it.” Hanzo is trying to act annoyed but there’s a tentative smile on his lips. You rip the paper away with little fanfare and make a note to clean it up before you leave.  _

 

_ The paper reveals a small glass cube containing a sandy terrarium.  The faux sun hangs high in the cube’s fake atmosphere, shining down on reddish brown stones, miniature cacti, and green pastures. A lone tumbleweed drifts from the dusty desert area and into the grassy plains.  _

 

_ “You said you couldn’t go home because of Ashe and the gang. So here is a piece of New Mexico for you. And the sun, it’s position is-” _

 

_ “High noon.” You finish and you can’t remember anyone getting you something like this. Thoughtful, small enough to travel with on the run, but meaningful enough that you’ll always make room for it. You did miss New Mexico, the peaceful farm, and the hot sun only tempered by the forgiving winds. Ashe had taken more than she knew from you with that bounty but you don’t fault her too much for it. Jesse McCree, the rough riding cowboy, never was supposed to care about anything. _

 

_ But here you are, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes like you’re a kid all over again.  _

 

_ “You aren’t saying anything. Do you not like it? I can take it back.” He reachers for it but you hold it out of his grasp.  _

 

_ “I love it.”  _

 

_ The smile that breaks across his face makes you love the gift even more.  _

 

The cowboy broke the kiss to recall where the terrarium was, sighing with relief when he remembered that it was safe and sound on his desk. 

 

“Have I told you I love you recently?” 

 

“I could stand to hear it more.” Hanzo said, eyes closed and smirking as he let the water wash over him. 

 

“Well I do.” Jesse kissed his tattooed shoulder. “And I can’t remember loving nobody like this.”

 

“I as well.”

 

He can’t remember Hanzo ever saying those words but Jesse doesn’t mind it much. The archer has shown his love in ways that mean more to him than a grand declaration. Jesse was sure that whenever Hanzo decided to say those three little words of his own accord, he’d never forget it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. You can see that the beginning was written months ago because I mention the removal of the defense category XD Unless I come up with something else, this series is completed. Please leave comments and kudos, thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. The second part will be filled with as much smut as I can write. This was supposed to be one big thing but I had another idea for an ending that would work better with two chapters instead of one. It also get's me a chance to just publish everything I've been working on for the past month. My goal is to have the second part in by the end of the week (but don't hold me to that). Also, small thing but don't worry, Jesse did not kill the woman who was tied up! She was just tied up and knocked out. 
> 
> Please kudos and comment!


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